A few months ago, in the most overt display of capitalism and mental retardation ever, Oxycontin-popping, liberal-hating blowhard Rush Limbaugh decided to jump into the celebrities-hawking-crap fray with his own line of–wait for it–iced tea. Yes, you read it correctly. The label features a colonial-outfitted Limbaugh atop a horse warning, as the website states, “The liberals are coming! The liberals are coming!” (Enough with the Paul Revere references already.)
Most likely spurred by declining ratings, Rush recently announced that the drink, (stupidly named) Two if by Tea, is only available for purchase through the company’s website for a whopping $23.76 a case (I suppose $17.76 would have been too obvious a marketing ploy, lest he be accused of pandering to the Tea Partiers). Wait! You mean I can’t purchase Limbaugh’s sweet elixir at my local Walmart? Dammit, I like to be able to buy my guns, motor oil, and groceries in the same place. (One-stop shopping, folks.) Two if by Tea comes in 4 flavors and, sorry junkies, there’s no painkiller-flavored one.
I’m not so much of a liberal that I can’t appreciate the fact that Rush states that “at least $100,000 of the proceeds of all sales will go to the Marine Corps-Law Enforcement Foundation. The Marine Corps-Law Enforcement Foundation provides college scholarships for the children of Marines killed in action and, in some cases, members of other military branches who are killed in action.”
In my opinion, the patriotic thing to do would be to reenact the Boston Tea Party and give Mr. Limbaugh’s latest venture a proper burial-at-sea.