IrisI was recently interviewed by a local publication and the interviewer asked me what kind of guy I usually date. My mind immediately screamed “Chef!” and, while it sounds sexy, dating a chef is the complete opposite.
I’m sure you’ve got some ridiculous idea of a tall, dark, handsome culinary god in your head–sleeves rolled up to reveal perfectly toned forearms, a kitchen towel slung over his shoulder, and a bead of sweat precariously perched over his furrowed brow while he concocts the perfect anniversary dinner. Every girl has dreamed of her man whipping up a gastronomic feast worthy of Henry VIII, but if you think that’s what you actually get when you date a chef, you’re dead wrong, sister.
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I’ve dated them all–line cooks, chefs, maître d’s and, perhaps the most annoying of all, restaurateurs. The culinary world is not a pretty one and you’ve got to have real fortitude to endure the ups, downs, and the whole “tortured artist” thing if you want to have a relationship with anyone who makes his living in a kitchen. During this past Lenten season, most of my friends gave up the usual–profanity, chocolate, alcohol. Me? I gave up dating chefs.
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Top 5 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Date a Chef
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5. Weekday dates – You can forget going out with your guy on the weekends–weekdays will become your thing. Unless you’re a senior citizen and your nursing home has strict curfew rules, a weekday date is the least sexy thing on Earth. There is nothing especially exciting about checking out the city’s hottest, newest gastropub on a Tuesday night.
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4. What you see is not what you get – Your man may have graduated from the CIA and make his living creating the most gorgeous plates of food, but you will not bear witness to any of his culinary wizardry in your own home. Uh-uh–he’s strictly on a grilled cheese and canned soup diet when he’s not at work.
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3. What am I? Chopped liver?!? – Guess what? Unless you’re edible, you won’t get much in the way of attention or affection. Working in a restaurant is brutal business–especially if you’re working in the kitchen–and, chances are, your man’s more likely to be thinking of tomorrow night’s specials, the new summer menu, or how his shipment of morels got screwed up than you.
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2. Dude, you’re not a doctor – No, he may not be a doctor but he sure keeps hours like one. He will get called all times of the night for even the most mundane things. I dated a restaurateur who got a call in the middle of…well, you get the drift…and he actually apologized and answered the phone. Turns out, it was one of the servers calling to inform him that two lightbulbs over the bar had blown out. Really?
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1. Sex – I know it’s a delicate subject but it must be mentioned. Date a chef and you will not have much of it (unless you’re a server at his restaurant and you read a lot of Anthony Bourdain’s books). The agonizingly long hours, the mental stress of dealing with obnoxious patrons/purveyors/staff, and the physical strain of working in a kitchen or restaurant is not conducive to a great sex life. You’ll be spending many nights alone with battery-powered friends. Guaranteed.
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There you have it. Now I’m off to go get ready for a date tonight with…a chef. Hey, everybody falls off the wagon at one point or another–sue me.
Oh dear you just broke my heart! Especially with point #4. lol
LOL
Thank God thats not my experience. My Chef is the totaled opposite. He would put in 14hrs and still have energy to love me down. I only allow him to cook on his off days.
Lucky you–that’s wonderful! 🙂
OMG…too funny! This made me laugh. Never dated a chef–had a crush on one once. Now I’m glad I didn’t pursue him. 🙂
Found the link on Twitter. I agree…this is too funny!! My bf’s a chef and I get so frustrated sometimes. Glad to know I’m not alone.
Hilarious!
Haha!!! So true. I have dated several chefs…and not on purpose, lol. I just seem to be drawn like a magnet to these extreme people! I always find out AFTER the initial attraction that they are chefs. “D’oh!” is all I can say, lol! One thing you didn’t mention, though (maybe for the sake of propriety..?) is the rampant drinking and drugging. So sad, really. But yeah, chefs! Definitely some of the most fun in bed and out that I’ve had! I must say, though, I recently had my heart broken by a chef in Philly, so I don’t anticipate dating another one. But, like you, who can tell if I’ll be able to resist..!
LOL…glad to know someone knows how I feel! Luckily, I’ve never experienced someone with a drug/drinking problem. That’s a total dealbreaker for me.
🙂 As far as the drinking/drugging, it’s a pretty well-known and prevalent restaurant industry issue; it’s actually shocking to me that you haven’t come across it in your culinary adventures. But I agree with you, definite romantic relationship deal breaker for me, too! Cheers 🙂
Lmao is all I have to say. Your all silly
How long have you been in the biz, Chef D? Are you local?
As someone who gets to talk to a lot of chefs, i can understand the attraction. Guys who know how to cook are hot! But yeah, i see how intense and competitive the food industry can be, plus a lot of them are artists in their own right, so they’ve also got that temperament that goes with it.
Are executive chef known for cheating, know for prowling the internet for casual relationships, are they capable of true relationships and how do you know how he sees you as a partner or otherwise.
[…] Top 5 reasons why you shouldn’t date a chef (thepalateprincess.com) […]
…so I guess a woman can’t be a chef and make her living in a kitchen?!?
Oh Karen, you missed the point of the article which was meant to be a lighthearted observation (from a personal viewpoint might I add) not an in-depth thinkpiece delineating and highlighting the gross discrimination and exclusion of women in the culinary world. (That’s a discussion for another day.) In any event, thank you for the comment.
I do LOVE how this article doesn’t even leave a chance open that a chef could be a female, like myself and many of my friends. We go on weekend dates and have healthy sex lives and even have hobbies!! Gee, just imagine. Do you ever think that MAYBE, just maybe the person you’re dating is using their work to avoid you and treat you badly NOT because they are a chef but because they just want to treat you like crap? Yes, chef’s are typically extreme people who never sleep but we are more than capable of having healthy normal dating lives outside work. Article is silly and baseless and if you believe it I’m glad, you probably don’t deserve to be with someone as rad as a chef.
While I appreciate your comment, this article was written from the viewpoint of a heterosexual woman who, yes, dates men so naturally I am referring to male chefs. Am I negating the fact that a woman can be a chef??? My goodness, no! The suggestion is ridiculous. The article is also written from a PERSONAL viewpoint and based on my own experiences. Sheesh, lighten up.
My wife is a head chef and find your points to be exaggerated and superficial.
Thanks, Craig. I appreciate your comment. Pass along my thanks to your wife as well. As a reminder, this post was written from a personal viewpoint and based solely on my experiences–experiences that are not subject to anyone else’s analysis.
You’re a bitch. Get your facts straight. You must have been a chef groupie to gather these conclusions
I have been dating a chef for five years, and you summed up my experience in one quick article! I have often asked my chef boyfriend why he can’t take the time to balance his life a bit better, so that I don’t end up feeling so neglected, or like a third priority. He has tried, but bad habits creep up again. I’ve spent plenty nights waiting up for my chef to call me on his drive home, only to find out that he stayed at work and had a drink with the cooks to “unwind.” I don’t know how some people are able to be in happy relationships with chefs. Are they just much more relaxed and easygoing than I am? Or does their chef just try harder to make the relationship a priority. Either way, thanks for this lighthearted article. Made me feel a little less crazy. 😉
Finally, someone who understands! There are so many beautiful aspects to a relationship with a chef but, sadly, there are also a lot of struggles that come along with the territory. Stay strong! 🙂
I agree completely. I’m currently dating a chef and he claims to want to marry me and love me, etc. but spends his free time scrolling through instagram looking at food or interrupts what I’m saying to talk about a menu idea. It makes me feel like food is more important than anything I have to offer. Sucks sometimes.
Oh, Kristen–I completely understand. I’ve definitely thrown my share of cell phones against the wall! (Kidding.) I love and admire chefs’ passion but their romantic relationships often take a backseat to their profession.
Sorry but this is a load of bullcrap. I am dating an executive chef at one of the top restaurants in my city and am in the music industry so during the weekend, I also am busy. He always takes time to text me, sex is incredible and unless you live in farm country Ohio, Tuesday is a perfectly good time for a date. My chef is one of the sweetest, most caring man I have ever met and would cook a 5 course meal for me anytime I feel like it (now, I understand the long hours and rarely ask him to cook out of respect). You either met douches or I met a diamond in the raw.
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I’m not really sure.I’m currently dating my chef boyfriend and it’s been like 7 months till now and it is not just a normal kind of relationship.We have already introduced each other’s parents and they have accepted for our marriage .Waiting to get engaged soon.Everything is going so well between us but he gets frustrated sometimes because of his work environment and gets mad on me recalling abt my past relationships and so on.But everything gets fine after sometime cuz he loves me like anything as well as I do.We seldom fight because of that and I hate that.
He’s just waiting patiently for the place to open up.
Hi, I just want to say this to me was disrespectful in the fact that not all chefs are like this. We do have strict hours, but instead of patronizing us about why don’t you understand and sympathize. Understand the hours put in are hours put into a dream of ours, a vision, a lifelong passion captured by beads of sweat and possibly brutal nights. We don’t have a luxury life, not many, but yes, some will. You should understand the time and effort it takes to be a chef and why that it can make a person act that way. Every night we are cooking for you all to enjoy the best meal and experience of your life and we get a back alley ham and cheese because we have 15 min to eat and set up for our next dinner rush. So, I’m not saying date one im also not trying to sway your opinion, but I am trying to say not to patronize us for our actions but to understand us.
Honestly, as a chef myself, and someone who went to CIA and has been dating other chefs mainly for the past couple years. screams accurate. I understand the love for the food and the hustle and excitement of food, but a person can be able to show love and respect through being with/considering their person. This was accurate and funny.
I’m currently dating a FORMER chef…thank goodness he’s out of the industry. 🙂 Thanks for reading!
Well well well, I mean I feel all of this too, I mean he does work long hours, and he wants to open his own restaurant, but honestly I do feel like supporting him in it, idk if its just a love butterflies, we have been together for like 7+ month, he does have a hobby, he does get super tired, but I enjoy making him massage after work, and watch our favorite show at night and cuddling on couch, also I love that I could take my bffs anytime and go have a drink in his restaurant and see him any time. On our first date he made bunch of sushis for my friends, and his personality I simply adore. I do miss him a lot, but I kind if love my space, I do at times work till 8-9, but I figured that every successful man works a lot, even businessman are the same, the go for business trips, or stay in office late hours, I guess long working hours is part of success so if you want him, you have to accept all of the guy. Still I will not disagree that I get frustrated at times, but who does not, its just part of life. I get frustrated with my friends, family, work so him working a lot is really not a big deal for me, I also rather have him dedicated to his job, rather to anything else, and I think when guys have too much free time their mind starts to get busy with unnecessary stuff 😆
The chef profession is among the top ten professions favoured by psychopaths. So another reason to avoid.
Interesting!
I am a chef and my ex told me going into a relationship with me was amazing because she don’t have to worry about me cheating and substance abuse because I only think of foods or drinks and almost always too tired to even think of other girls or waste precious energy on things other than my passion and her, but ironically she cheated, said I neglected her and dumped me 🙂
THIS COULDNT BE MORE WRONG
Literally everything on this list is wrong. What kinda chef you dating?
Thank you, Jeremy for commenting on MY experience. I appreciate the read, and I hope you have the day you deserve.
Don’t forget cheating. That same drive for excitement that makes him love a dinner rush also makes monogamy too boring. Add in the ego boost of that bad boy chef persona and access to a bevy of FOH girls who can be seduced with fries…you may not be getting sex, but he definitely will be.
I am worried about my boyfriend who is an executive corporate chef at a high end hotel in our city, cheating with me with girls on his staff team. I was one of the wait staff members of a team and I was single. I know even the married chefs are sleeping with the hostesses and servers and everyone keeps it hush hush from their wives, or husbands. My boyfriend goes out at least once a week with his employees and it makes me so insecure that these things won’t ever change, and that maybe he is also getting sex on the side with some of the young girls he works with and I’m sure that look up to him. He has kinky tendencies that he has just brought to the table recently and I am feeling doubtful on his truthfulness that he doesn’t seek that from others and is just “trying everything” with me for the first time. He also pays close attention to the young girls who seat and serve us at dinner dates we go. When I try to talk to him about this he doesn’t say much and changes the subject. He also will not agree to an open phone policy amongst us, even thought I’ve expressed concern for his late night activity on his social media accounts, especially where he is friends with all of his young, female employees. I’m stressed, I never thought dating a chef would be so hard, but on top of it the once a week meetings and late night weekday dates just aren’t cutting it for me anymore.
Krysten, it sounds like you already know in your heart what´s happening. Of course, I don´t know your boyfriend, but it seems like he´s waving several red flags in your face.
Don´t be like me and foolishly give 10 years to a chef who may be doing a little more than cooking in the kitchen.