Iris
They’re taboo and to eat them is to suffer unabashed ridicule or–worse yet–banishment from the culinary inner circle. They are my guilty pleasure foods and have earned their place on the list of banned foods by foodies and food purists alike. Normally, I’m one of these food snobs but every now and then I can be found noshing on:
- Jarred artichoke hearts – Look, food snob, I’ve peeled quite a few artichokes in my day and, let me tell you, nothing makes me angrier than working tirelessly to discard all those tough outer leaves to get to the tiny little morsel of artichoke-y goodness. I’d rather let the good folks at Cento do it for me.
- Burnt toast – Oh, how this food has earned its reputation as one of the most detested foods in history! Reviled for its smell, the sheer mention of burning toast makes people dissolve into fits of disgust. I, on the other hand, love the stuff. I purposely turn the dial setting to 6 (the highest setting) on my toaster and inhale deeply as the once-soft bread gets a fiery cremation. In fact, when I eat breakfast out, I never eat the toast that comes with the meal because I’m too ashamed to ask them to burn the toast. (We burnt toast-lovers live a solitary, shadowy life of shame.)
- Frosted Flakes – Admittedly, I haven’t touched the stuff in almost a decade. Notice how I said “touched the stuff” in the same way alcoholics and drug addicts refer to their poison of choice? That’s because as a child I would down Tony the Tiger’s edible crack with wild abandon. Dry. With milk. Straight out of the box. On a road trip. At 3 AM. It didn’t matter how I got my fix–as long as I got my fix. Coming from a house where candy was limited, this is how I got my sugar high. I’m well aware that there is absolutely no nutritional value to be found in Frosted Flakes or any other redeeming factor for that matter, but they’re delicious in that diabetes-inducing way. Oh God, and the sugary sweetness they impart on the leftover milk in the bottom of the bowl–don’t get me started…
- Grilled cheese sandwiches – No, not the $20 imported artisanal cheese-and-baguette affair that’s all the rage now. I’m talking about the old school grilled “cheese” (the term is used loosely as most old school sandwiches were probably made with Kraft “cheese product”). Nothing makes a better rainy day or late-night snack than a good old fashioned grilled cheese sandwich.
- Jalepeño-flavored kettle chips – I’m so ashamed–so very, very ashamed. Damn you Herr’s. A friend introduced me to these and I became addicted–until I flipped the bag around and saw that these caloric bombshells were chock full of monosodium glutamate–better known as MSG. You know, the super-salty additive often used in Asian cooking. Downing a bag of these is the equivalent of pouring a small bottle of Kikkoman soy sauce down your gullet. Disgusting. Delicious, but disgusting.
